For years I dreaded my birthday, not because of getting older, but because I always felt sad on that day. I wanted someone else to make me feel special... while every other day I didn't want to stand out - no rocking the boat bringing attention to myself. After all... I was the weird one - the one no one understood.
And when I did have something to "say" I didn't feel "seen" and I definitely wasn't "heard" - what I thought and what I felt didn't matter to those who "loved" me.
So the reality of the bigger picture was ... I achieved my goal - I was successful at not standing out - I was successful at being invisible.
Eventually - I grasped that the foundation for my happiness is up to me - not the influence of others.
Then I learned that all these years... the person who really wasn't "seeing" me...
was me.
I was seeing myself through the eyes of others... and there was nothing to see.
We're not defined by what's seen through the eyes of others.
No wonder I felt lost and adrift... baseless with no foundation.
Besides... others perceive us through the lens of what's happening in their own lives and most people are... stressed.
I finally realized the only approval I need is my own.
I lift myself up - or I tear myself down.
--- ME ---
I accepted that I don't have to hide from the world - it's safe to be me - the weird one - and I learned...
I love my weirdness.
I love me - this is the body I have and I get to write the narrative of my life's happiness -- all I have to do is pick up the pen and write with firm awareness and conscious choice.
Happiness is within me - not outside of me.
I share this... because YOU have the same powers:
awareness - conscious choice - LOVE
Forgive the wounds of the past - forgive yourself and others - and heal. Embrace the feelings of LOVE within you - and embody that state of being - even in the face of adversity - especially in the face of adversity.
The power to write a new, happier narrative of your life is possible. Now is a good moment to pick up the pen.
Birthdays are my own now. I celebrate life's blessings instead of ruminating on past wounds.
I - choose - Love.
And I celebrate you.
Sending lots of love...
